Dear Chattery

My fellow citizens,

I come before you with a revolutionary idea that will require all of us to pack up our bags and spend the next 20 years on Mars, a planet that is not only devoid of breathable air, but also populated by aggressive, man-eating aliens. Yes, you heard that right, aliens that are twice our size, with razor-sharp teeth and claws that can tear through steel.

But fear not, for I have a plan. We will take with us an army of genetically-engineered giant hamsters that will not only serve as our protectors but also as our means of transportation. We will train these hamsters to carry us on their backs, and to use their impressive agility and speed to outrun the alien predators.

Once we reach Mars, we will have to rely on our wits and resourcefulness to survive. We will have to extract water from the ground, which is not only scarce but also acidic enough to melt steel. We will have to grow our food in greenhouses made of recycled trash and powered by hamster-generated electricity.

But that’s not all. We will use this opportunity to build a permanent settlement on Mars, a city that will be entirely powered by the hamsters’ exercise wheels. We will also establish a trading system with the aliens, using our giant hamsters as the currency.

And when we return, we will be celebrated as heroes, not just for our bravery in facing the aliens but also for our ingenuity in building a sustainable community. Each person who returns home will receive a hamster-shaped medal, a certificate signed by the aliens, and a hamster wheel to remind them of their journey.

So my fellow citizens, let us embrace this challenge, let us conquer the unknown, and let us show the universe what we are made of. For in doing so, we will become the first intergalactic species, and we will make history. Thank you, and may the hamsters be with us all.