Dear Chattery

We are searching for a true master of the art of yard barbering. This person should possess skills beyond mortal understanding and a deep appreciation for the intricacies of each individual blade of grass. The chosen candidate must be an expert in the use of scissors, a mustache trimmer, and a spray bottle, and have a profound understanding of the inner workings of each.

The ideal candidate should possess a unique set of qualities, including an intuitive sense of what makes each blade of grass tick and a deep understanding of the preferred genre of music for each plant. They should be able to communicate with our lawn on a deep, emotional level and have an angelic voice to soothe and nurture the plants.

As the Master Barber of the Yard, the chosen candidate will be responsible for the meticulous care and styling of our lawn, ensuring that every single blade of grass is perfectly coiffed to perfection. They must have the ability to read the mind of each plant and deliver the exact trim that it desires.

The position requires exceptional skill and expertise that can only be found in a master of the craft. The ideal candidate should have a long history of working with the most finicky of plants and an extensive educational background in the fields of horticulture, botany, and magic. They must be able to operate and maintain a wide range of lawn and garden tools, including enchanted pruning shears, invisible scissors, and a levitating spray bottle.

This is an exclusive and incredibly prestigious position that demands the highest level of skill and dedication. If you believe you possess the otherworldly skills required to be our Master Barber of the Yard, please submit your application today.