Dear Chattery

Once upon a time, in the quaint town of Everwood, there was a sensational trial that gripped the attention of everyone who lived there. The defendant, a charming and well-liked local named Benjamin Alistair, was accused of a crime he swore he hadn’t committed. His lawyer, a crafty and creative attorney named Oliver Montgomery, was determined to prove his client’s innocence.

The prosecution had one critical piece of evidence: a set of adult diapers that they claimed was worn by the perpetrator of the crime. Oliver, however, was not one to be easily deterred. He had a plan. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he declared, “I will prove to you that these adult diapers do not fit my client, and therefore, he could not have committed this crime. If the diapers don’t fit, you must acquit.”

Oliver reached into his bag of tricks and pulled out the adult diapers. With a confident grin, he gestured to his client to try them on. To the astonishment of everyone in the courtroom, the diapers fit Benjamin perfectly. There was an audible gasp from the gallery, but Oliver didn’t flinch. Instead, he decided to improvise.

“Ahem, ladies and gentlemen,” he stammered, “perhaps it’s not the diapers that matter. Let’s move on to the socks. If the socks don’t fit, you must acquit!” He pulled out a pair of socks from his bag and handed them to his client. Benjamin tried them on, and once again, the socks fit perfectly.

Undeterred, Oliver pressed on. “Very well, let’s move on to the pants! If the pants don’t fit, you must acquit!” He produced a pair of pants, and Benjamin dutifully tried them on. To everyone’s surprise, the pants fit him just right.

Over the next few days, the courtroom became more like a fashion show than a trial. Oliver produced item after item from his seemingly endless wardrobe, and each time, they fit Benjamin perfectly. Shirts, jackets, hats, shoes – everything fit. The jurors began to whisper among themselves, wondering if this bizarre strategy could possibly work.

Finally, in a desperate attempt to sway the jury, Oliver unveiled his pièce de résistance: a set of baby clothes. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he announced, “if these baby clothes don’t fit, you must acquit!” The courtroom burst into laughter, but Oliver remained undeterred.

With a deep breath, Benjamin tried on the tiny clothes. To everyone’s shock and amazement, even the baby clothes fit him. It was as if every item of clothing in the world was tailored to fit him perfectly. Oliver’s face turned beet red, and he stammered, “W-well, um, if the, uh, baby clothes fit… you must… um, reconsider?”

The judge, who had been patiently observing the spectacle, finally intervened. “Mr. Montgomery,” he said, “while your strategy has been… unique, I’m afraid it hasn’t proven your client’s innocence. The jury will now deliberate.”

As the jury filed out of the courtroom, Oliver slumped in his chair, defeated. He knew that his strategy had failed, and he couldn’t help but feel responsible for the outcome.

But then, in a stunning turn of events, the jury returned with a not guilty verdict. Despite the fitting wardrobe, they had found the evidence against Benjamin to be purely circumstantial. The town of Everwood erupted in cheers, and the name Oliver Montgomery went down in history as the most unconventional attorney the town had ever seen.